5 new things Ive learned about myself - Random observations

When you put yourself into novel situation sometimes you begin to see yourself from...crap, this is to obtuse, let me begin again and say it plainly.  I find that each time I change my surroundings and put myself into completely foreign situations I get a new glimpse at what kind of person I am.  I become more aware of my inconsistencies and sometimes realize solidification of personal thoughts or philosophies on life.

Random people wanting their photo taken

1. I am not a photogenic person.  I rarely take good photos - and therefore hate being in front of the camera.  (OK hate is too strong of a word - dislike??)... I have noticed more and more here I will avoid cameras though I will not exactly run away either just cuz I think thats a little too silly. I notice this because random people will ask me to take their photo.  They do not know me, they do not know English, they do not ask for anything beyond looking at the display after their photos have been taken.  I do not often want my photo taken.  Thus the lack of me in pictures (as Cori observed from my Picasa album). If I happen to be in a photo - because I know I do not have a good smile nor a good "face" I will purposefully mess with the photo (see examples below).  My obvious favorites are to open my mouth as wide as it can be or stick out my tongue - WTH?  why do I do this?  If I thought I didn't take good photos before - this is not helping my case.  However, it does make for some entertaining pictures.

Unsuspecting Bibk

Seriously I am going to swallow his brain, maybe I can learn to unhinge my jaw like a snake...Ill work on it.

Needs work

 2. I am a late bloomer in many ways.  It took me for ever to come into my own style for feminine clothing - much to the chagrin of my mother.  I hated wearing skirts growing up - now I really like them, but only if they are knee length or longer and not frumpy.  Makeup and adornments were not that big of a deal to me and still aren't really, but here for instance eyeliner is something that is treated differently.  Its subtle, but the considerations about wearing it is different...different expectations.  There is this eye stuff the girls all wear here that is beautiful - and I can't recall the name (I am very bad at this) and at first I thought Divya was putting lipstick on her eyes - cuz thats what it looks like.  But it is this charcoal type stuff that you can get only in certain places like temples or something...eeh its not that great of a story cuz I don't know all the details. Regardless, I have taken to wearing eye liner of some sort and am trying this liquid stuff that Divya uses (even though she uses it for her Bindi and not her eyes).  I do not yet have the hang of liquid eye-liner and this stuff makes you look like a crack whore when you cry.  Lets just say you were cutting onions (for the many pork parties you have) tearing up is dangerous.

3. I really really really appreciate people who keep time.  I have lived and worked on native time in Alaska - but for some reason it really bothers me here.  When people say I will have it for you at X time or come meet me at X time or I will be there at X time...I fully expect them to be there/have it etc.  I think my expectations are higher because in AK this occurred when I was in the field or in a village...here it doesn't matter if you are in a village or at the embassy waiting for your 1pm appointment and finally getting in around 6pm.  Yeah - this doesn't EVER happen here.  I am also finding that I am slipping into this awful habit myself....and I am disturbed at this.

Chittu my big brother

Divya me Roshni

4. People in the US do not touch often enough.  (excuse me come again?)  There is something about a friendly gesture of holding hands or a hug or an arm draped over your shoulder that makes
me feel comforted.  Its strange - in my life in the past the people who pop out the most of "invading" my personal space are Harmony and Melody.  Maybe its because India is so crowded in the first place that you can't have a personal bubble?? Maybe its because there really isn't much to the concept of "Privacy"?  I realize how much I enjoy these subtle gestures.  I know that when I return to the US, I will have these different mannerisms that i have picked up here...like the ambiguous head nod that means Yes/No/As you wish/or I am indifferent.  Its a fine art in interpreting this gesture.  I also will occasionally ask a question with my hands - this twist of the wrist thing to say "what? what's it? where you going? what you doing?".....I am sure there are others.  Nonetheless, I will most likely be invading peoples personal space so be forewarned. One side note that is unrelated but not is I haven't picked up is the accent.  I can not yet mimic Apu - I seem to be in capable of pronouncing my Hindi correctly (according to Divya) so have extreme difficulty with the accent.  Unlike my Irish or Scottish or Australian or British accents...Dang it!

Sal

TP and Chetan

5. In Alaska I realized how much I like board games (roboralley rules!).  Particularly playing with others that are just as enthusiastic about the games as you are.  Sometimes people will play - but they don't LOVE it like you do, and the dedication is therefore lacking.  Here, I have come to realize how much I enjoy when people bust out into song.  I have no idea if this is common among all Indians or just the groups I seem to get attached to...but sitting in someones room, someone will start singing and others will join in.  It is a very pleasant feeling.  I don't care if they sound good or not - I can't sing and will only join in when my voice is drowned out by others.

Birthday traditions

Kaushik

So, I might have mentioned this before, but I wanted to retell the traditions that occur here with regards to celebrating someones birthday.  Most recently was Kaushik's birthday.  It starts at midnight the day you were born regardless of the time you came into the world.  So, there is cake and celebrations.  The birthday boy (in this case) not only has the people come to his room to celebrate but he will be on the phone almost constantly with people wishing him a happy birthday.  

Samuel's birthday

If you are asleep (like Samuel was on his birthday) you will be woken up and there will still be cake and celebrations (though shortened).  The party is more for everyone else rather than the birthday person - so, typically it is the responsibility of the birthday person to "host" the event.  To provide food and entertainment, (this is no different than our types of parties).  So, there was cake and chips and soda and lots of people came, milled around until the cake was cut.

Kaushik's cake - YUM!

Cutting of the Cake
So the birthday boy cuts the cake and then traditionally, they are to take a piece of cake and feed people.  I am a little confused as to who is supposed to be fed - like is it your closest friends? or is it everyone in the group? or is it just the people that happen to be close to you that you get a chance to feed before you are attacked?  It seems to vary by party and by personal effort.  Once you begin feeding people it is then their responsibility to smear cake on your face/head/body.  To me the cake could be a couple of things:

1. its a super powerful drug that turns the victim into a sugar crazed monster that must destroy all.  Thus taking its energies out on the cake and the delivery boy.
or
2. it is a gift of peace from the birthday boy who is basically saying "here - take this food from my fingers as an offering of thanks for being my friend for the past year".  It is then the response of the friend to say - "no, Thank you... here let me smear you with love"
or
3. A very tame food fight with a focal target.

Here - have some love

Basically, the birthday boy walks around feeding each person and getting more and more messy depending on the enthusiasm of the friends.  You could be covered in cake, chips, soda, water, what ever.  No birthday person leaves clean - wear not so nice clothing!!!

After the cake has been decimated - and really why bother cutting it when everyone just digs in with fingers???? it is still passed around and eaten in finger bites.

Birthday bumps for Kaushik

After cake come the birthday bumps.  (The cake has now given super powers of strength and agility).  They lift the birthday boy off the ground and proceed to kick him for as many years as he has been alive....OR if they respect you OR if you weigh too much - they just give you a couple of "bumps".  I prefer to think that when I got my bumps, it was out of respect they didn't do all 28 (wink) for me...not because I tower over 60% of the people here and am gargantuan in general.

milling around waiting for food

So, people then mill around for a bit and drift off back to their respective evenings (mostly sleep since it is now ~1am).  THEN, comes the real party.  Again, hosted by the birthday boy. 

 

Amit treated everyone to Lhasa

Dancing

Here you provide dinner of some sort (either take people out to dinner like Amit did or provide food like Kaushik did).  We had some very lovely chicken and excellent paneer.  It took a bit of persuasion but eventually people began dancing too.  It was a very lovely evening.

More dancing

Cullinary creations

Adventures come in all sorts of forms, particularly if you are open to them.  I sometimes I have this epiphany or outer body experience where I can see my life as one gigantic adventure - maybe not the day to day things, but the whole picture.  I can really see it you know.  Then, I get exhausted and wonder when its gonna stop and Ill be normal.  Alas, thats just not possible for me and the feeling leaves quickly.  I believe that many parents can relate - particularly those with young children.  Mostly because the children bring chaos, excitement and most importantly an unexpected view of life.  They teach you new ways of looking at life and remind you of how you used to look at life.  This is how India feels to me.  Constantly reminding me I know nothing and keeping me on my toes...for even the simplest of things.

Karen's box o'love

Its been over 300 days and I am now honestly starting to miss familiar food.  Its slightly different than getting the extra loving and extremely appreciated care packages from you lovely people at home.  Those are filled with love and a different kind of food (mostly junk food :0).  I know Ive joked about it in the past - craving something like Taco's and well any sort of Mexican food - but never really had the motivation to do anything about it.  Till recently.  Had a bug up my butt and decided I was going to make something - but what?  - Something simple! Something quick! something that is more "organic" meaning I can make everything from scratch - no jar of or sachet of or box of something processed and filled with chemical names i can't remember.  OH YES - and it CAN NOT be baked!  No oven you see.  Not many people here in India have ovens - at least not those that Ive met.  I then remembered Byrons mother (Debbi) made these amazing cookies that are No Bake cookies.  all you need is milk, sugar (key ingrediance in chai so I can get that here no probs - right!), oat - again should be easy to get, vanilla, butter and coco powder - this might be the hardest part.  I was so caught up in the idea of making this that I thought - hey what else can I make?  Pancakes!!  Yeah! - but wait...how do you make them from scratch without Bisquick or Pancake mix!  I know Ill google it! - HA!  Try to google pancakes and you will find that 95% of the recipes say - eggs, milk, water and 2 cups of pancake mix. uhhh thanks??!?? Fine then! French Toast!! yeah - ooh yummy breakfast food of the gods.  Thats easy too, just cinnammamaon, nutmeg, vanilla, milk, egg, and bread....

Now remember from previous posts about how food that is supposed to be "Continental" or "Western" never really tastes the same?  Like they have American Sour Cream & Onion potato chips - they aren't quite the same.  Pringles - not quite the same...McDonalds McChicken is spicy and the Subway Melt comes with something that is called Bacon but is NOT bacon....and what the heck is chicken ham??  Anyway - keep this in mind.

So I went to the store with Divya to buy the supplies....
Milk - comes in a plastic bag or is boxed milk.  I didn't know that the bag milk only has a shelf life of 2 days.  I also didn't know that if you let it sit in a bowl over night (in my fridge) it will form a skin or separate the cream out of the milk - EUREKA!  Sour Cream!!  Oh I was so excited to discover this...knowledge to be put to use later...

Sour Cream

Sugar here is the larger crystal chunks.  Fine granular sugar like what we have (table sugar) is not the "standard" sugar.  To get that kind of sugar you have to ask for powdered sugar.  Powdered sugar - like what bakers use to sprinkle on top of french toast - can't find that anywhere here.  Im sure in Delhi you could find or maybe if I really really really looked.  But I don't have that kind of energy nor that kind of money because Im sure it would be expensive.  So, not knowing how much I would need - mmmm 1/2 kilo would do...
Vanilla - as long as you ask for vanilla essence you will do fine, people know what that is.
Coco powder surprisingly was also easily obtainable - though it was not Hershey nor did I know if it really was the kind you bake with.  Yet thinking about it remember, here - things are made from scratch, so any time I drink hot coco its this coco powder that has had sugar added to it.  Duh Kerry!  Not everything has to come pre-mixed like Swiss Miss...
Butter, eggs, bread check!  I almost had all the stuff!  woohoo...

Cinnamon bark

Nutmeg - asked for it and then had to ask for it in the Hindi - and yeah no problem.  Store clerk went to get some.  Surprise to me came back with a bag of nuts.  Whole nutmegs! Now, I had gotten some nutmeg in the British Virgin Islands and I brought them back for novelty I think, never really knew what to do with them...hmmm...OK I can deal...Ive got my leatherman I can crack them right?
Cinnamon - sure! no problem.  Now, cuz I saw the nuts and because we asked, they didn't have ground cinnamon, rather just the sticks.  OK fine!  I can work with that....Like the sticks they put into coffee, just grate it a little and poof you got powder!...uh...I got bark.  Cinnamon bark.  How the hell do you grind bark?...OK Ive got my leatherman, I can deal!
Remembering 1/2 way through my shopping experience that what goes ontop of french toast?? SYRUP.  yeaaaahhh...hmmmm...not so much.  No maple syrup.  Crap! No powdered sugar.  Crap.  Now what? Ill just have to make my own!

So...now Ive got all the stuff or close enough right?  I get back to my room and start to create!  oooh. crap. what does 1 cup equal in metric? or um....what in my room actually has a measurement on it that I can convert into a known quantity??? Dang it!  OH I know...I got 500g of sugar...so, about 1/2 of that would equal 200g and 200g equals 1 cup.  So...um...this bowl it takes ~ 4 bowls to measure out the 500g - so done!  I know this bowl is ~100g.  Yippie!  hmmmm....

French toast and a little bit of the 1st batch of mammaw cookies

Does crystal sugar equate to the same amount of granular sugar? Scraping the bark and using a knife to "chip" away at the bark isn't cutting it...its just making slivers of bark....my leatherman isn't opening the nuts.  NUTS!!! (Lightbulb clicks) It can't be that hard - Indians do it all the time....MORTER AND PESTLE!  Yeah thats it...shoot, where to get (sit n think like scratching my head)...The Kitchens!  Yeah the kitchen staff can help me out - geez!  Done - 2 hours later, get the bark and nut picked up in powdered form and I only spent 1 hour making cinnamon slivers...

Divya and Roshni help eat the 2nd batch

Making my own simple syrup was pretty simple (with the help of google and a suggestion made by Divya) and then I got experimental and decided to make in addition to regular syrup, strawberry syrup out of the strawberry jelly Ive got...
 So very pleased with myself, I invite Divya over for dinner - make her some french toast and then bring over the cookies to people in the old hostel.  They snarf them down to where Ive got nothin left in 5 minutes.  Woohoo Success!  A little taste of home and all is happy.
Being high on my success I decide to make another batch of cookies....alas, couldn't find butter.  Cookies don't set without butter.  Margarine doesn't do it.  So, now Ive basically got this gooey batter to eat with spoons cuz it isn't going to form any solid mass in this humidity.

Roshni - poster child

Divya Super Chief

Heightened awareness of all I touch

WARNING the following story will be inappropriate for people who don't like poo (he he that means if you read this you are a poo lover--eew)
This might seem silly to some, disgusting to others, and way way too much information...but then there are some of you who will appreciate this, be able to commiserate and even some of you who are curious but too afraid to ask.  So, this is for you, the rest of you can just stop reading now.

I finally did it!  After 290 days in India, I had to go to the bathroom and I didn't have toilet paper.  And we're not talkin' #1 here were talkin' #2 - oh yes.  Id been doing the no TP thing for peein for a long time now.  Something about using water to wash away a liquid is no big deal.  BUT Somehow, there is a mental barrier for touching anything "solid" that comes out of a human's anus...though strangely enough I have no problems sticking my fingers up a deer's butt to extract fecal pellets (those poor deer in AZ!). 
I have always managed to have some sort of tissue paper or newspaper for myself, until today.  Well, technically I could have walked home and use my bathroom, but that trip in itself would waste at least 30minutes round trip.  The bathrooms here on campus have no toilet paper, just a western style toilet and a little faucet off to the side.  Most bathrooms are like this IF they have a western style toilet, otherwise its the squatty whole in the ground - which I must say is a lot more comfortable than a toilet.      The squat toilets are easy to use - its like when camping.  They also, according to Ridhima's father, position your body in such a way that pooping is much faster.  It is not conducive to sit there for hours and read a book like the western style toilets do. 

I was pretty nervous cuz the western style toilets are not constructed to positioning the body to easily pour the water, swish,  and not make a mess...Cuz you have to squat and it seems tilt forward and reach either between your legs or from behind as the other hand holds the pitcher or water bottle and pours the water down your butt or on your hand.  If you pour it on your hand you have to splash it back up at yourself, if you pour it down your crack, it follows gravity more than the contour of your body and therefore drips into your hand, which you then have to splash back up and swish around.  I am not sure if this is the way, but it worked I suppose.  Messy, but worked....I say messy because as I looked back at the toilet there was water everywhere.  And if you think about that, every time you go into a western style toilet and see the seat covered in water - what was splashed everywhere?  My splashing and swishing was so exuberant that I got my pants all wet - which is OK since I was wearing a kamise (long shirt), but still - wet bum, wet undies, wet pants in humid weather - ugh.

Now I am having my senses extremely heightened and totally aware of my hand - what it touches egads!  Door knobs, keyboards, faucets, and of course just trying to pull up my own pants and get out of the bathroom stall.  Up till now, I knew why people only eat with their right hand, but now I KNOW why people only eat with their right hand.

OH and to make things even more icky - your like, OK I can do this cuz it will be fine, just wash my hands well after doing my business...and I go out to the sink - no soap!  Yup, most bathrooms don't seem to have soap either.  Now, think back to all the other times Ive had TP and others didn't, and then tried to wash my hands but didn't have soap so used water and then lots of hand sanitizers. Now, think of those people who don't have hand sanitizer!  eew.

After all this excitement, and me being so proud of myself I went back to my office (used hand sanitizer) and went searching for a bit of candy only to find a roll of TP in the bottom of my bag!

Let the Mutilation begin!

So, yup...got me another whole in my head.  Can't seem to keep my brains in, so thought I would just give it one more place to eeek out of. 

Nadia and I decided to go and get mutilated together.  But first I practiced with bindi - sticking it to places instead of forehead. ------->

We went to Pultan Bazaar and found a shop that would pierce us for 200rs (Gasp! you say!) yup.  Well, we then talked with the woman for like 10 minutes trying to find out a couple of things.

1.  If I was going to get another piercing I wanted it to be SUPA small.  No big gaping wholes (my brains need to slowly leak, not gush).

2. How was the piercing done you ask (oh wait, no I asked)...well, some times its by gun method - which I am sure most of you are familiar with.  Or did they do some other method?  this was starting to bring back memories of my own piercing applications...
3.  How about the pain or cleanliness?  the night I pierced Whitneys nose...that wasn't so bad...Or the night we pierced what's his name - Steve's ear...The best was Janine and I in the break shack at the fish hatchery on our 15 minute break from pit tagging silver salmon.  Couldn't think of anything better to do then to give ourselves piercings.  Could I trust they would use hypodermic needles like we did? - HEY! the needles were new!...who cares that they were meant for the fish....Would the earring be clean? - I just took the earring I was wearing out of my ear and shoved it thru the whole in my belly...India couldn't be worse...right? 

Well, the lady kept insisting that there is nothing smaller than the studs she presented to me...which were rather big I thought.  But if I didn't want to do the stud, I could do the ring.  And she did not have a gun at all, and did not know of any store around that did.  In her store, they just rammed the pointy stud thru your flesh. So it was looking like I could just do it on my own again and be fine instead of paying someone.  However, I wasn't sure I wanted to do this one on my own.  Her store wasn't the cleanest either, but that was neither here nor there.

We ended up leaving that store and going to a strip of stores with really fancy jewelry shops.  It took a while to find another store that did piercings, but at last - Bombay Jewelers did the trick and for 100rs (that's like $3).  We went in and my nerves almost went out on me with the realization that this was really gonna happen. There was a bit of confusion with how things would be done - they said they had the gun method, which was the only way Nadia wanted to get her piercing, but then it turned out they only used the gun on ears.  They also said they would put a stud in, but again, this was only with ears.  For noses the only way was to do a ring..It took a bit of convincing but Nadia, who almost chickened out, finally agreed...that is after she grilled me on the pain factor...what pain??

So yeah, I went first. Its only a very select group of people I would ever let put their fingers up my nose, and this guy is now in that group and I don't even know his name!...what an honor!...it was strange.  It was also unexpected but I cannot really tell you why.  Logically he's gonna have to hold onto something!  He took a bit of silver wire and rammed it into my skin and then quickly, though not as deftly as I would have liked, bent it into a loop, pulled it thru the closing and using wire cutters snipped the excess metal off.  It stung like a mother and my right eye teared up. It stung like when you get a shot from the doctors, that initial sting, then if you've ever had someone miss your vein and "dig" for it...thats what it kinda felt like afterwords, he had to continue to twist and shove the ring through.  It all took less than 1 minute once I sat down.  Now, 2 days later it does not hurt that much, only when I absentmindedly touch it.  If its a purposeful touch its fine.  Guess I'm braced for the tweaking sensation that comes along with it.

Why Im in love with my own hand

So, I went to get Mendi done.  Just for fun. Since I didn't have the chance to do it for the wedding, I and Eszter went to the market and on our way out decided to get our hand done. Its rather fun. 

I've only ever seen guys doing the art work.  They sit on the street and have little stools that you can sit on.  Takes about 20 minutes and costs about 30 rs.  It was raining that day, but it was still cool to get done.  My artist didn't even ask me any questions just started in on my hand.
I think I got the wrong hand done, but thats OK. 
 It did make for an awkward evening of trying to get money out of my wallet, undress myself for bed, take my contacts out, going to the bathroom, and even sleeping.

To do this right, first, the mendi has to dry - which can take a while, until then you have to walk around with your hand either up in front of your body so everyone passing you can see that they shouldn't touch you, or down at your side and hope that no one bumps into you.  This is quite difficult in a country where 1,000 people live in 1 ha.  We made the intelligent choice (can you sense the scarcasim here?) to go to McDonalds after getting this done.  It wasn't smart 1. because it was a bit of a walk through crowded streets, and 2. it was packed in McDonalds, and 3. it was total stimulation overload for me having not been the McDonalds here in Dun...

Standing in the swaying crowd to order was nutz cuz people were bumping and pushing and shoving their way to the front of the line - as they do in any sort of line anywhere in India...there is no such thing as an orderly que.  Anyway, the one smart thing we did was take a rickshaw home instead of fighting the crowds to get into a vikrum and squeeze in with 7 other people.  BUT while we were on our way home we both noticed that our hands were stinging.  Its not supposed to sting.  Eszters hand got really read.  I hypothesize that it had something to do with the oil they rubbed on our wrists before applying the henna.  This is because my stinging was very localized to where they put the oil...very logical I know.  Eszter didn't believe me...OH well.
After it dries, you are supposed to put lemon and sugar water on it...BUT we didn't find that out until much later in the evening.  Eszter was told that you were supposed to put oil on it....so it was either cooking oil (eew cuz Eszter had mustard oil and that just makes my stomach churn sometimes) or my hair oil which is this almond coconut stuff that the girls have convinced me to start trying.  Anyway, we used the hair oil.  It stopped the stinging for a while.  Divya then came by and told us about the lemon sugar mixture and OH boy was that even better.  You don't do the oil until AFTER you have removed the dried artwork.  The heat from the oil will make it darker.  This will make it last longer.  If, like I did, you get this done at night, you want it to last as long as possible you keep it on as long as possible.  Therefore I tied a grocery bag around my hand for the evening.  This was after of course the strange struggles with dressing, undressing, brushing my teeth with my left hand - not as easy.  Found myself moving my head back and forth instead of the tooth brush at times.  It was easier...but made me dizzy.

So with sugar lemon water and a plastic bag over my hand I went to bed.  Getting this stuff off the next day was a struggle.  It was caked on to my hand and hair.  I tried applying oil...OH yes, I forgot to say, You are NOT allowed to get your hand wet with water for 24hrs after you get this stuff applied.  That means showering happens with a plastic bag (if you so choose) and any other type of washing is off limits.  Great for getting out of doing dishes or household chores.  Can't do nothin while this is on your hand.  So, applying oil or sugar water again to loosen it up.  Took a spoon and scraped it off my skin. 

This photo is what it looks like the next day immediately after removal.

I loved that the guy put 2 peacocks on without even asking.  I am so impressed and want to do this again and it hasn't even had the chance to fade.  Its very cool.  1/2 way through the next day the color darkened.  They say the darker the color, the more your mother in law will like you...or love you as her daughter.  They aslo say that the intitial of your husband to be will be put into the design adn it is up to the bride to find it.  The color on the wrist and back of my hand is not as intense as on my palm.  Its rather distracting sometimes cuz I catch it out of the corner of my eye and wonder what's on my hand...OH yeah.  cool.  and I stair at my hand for a little while.

Some assembly required

So, in order for me to attend the wedding I thought I would do it right and show up in a nice Sari. Considering I didn't have any nice clothing here anyway - why not??

First thing is - don't try it without supervision. OK not really...its just that it is kinda tricky to put on, particularly by yourself the first couple of times. That and its always nice to have someone dress you.

The most important thing is to have the blouse fit you properly. So, that needs to be stitched to fit your body. The blouse closes from the front and is meant to be super tight...this way you do not have to wear a bra. The blouse is also meant to be short. You can get them longer but not many people go for that look.

Shopping for a Sari was a lot harder than it looks. No shop will let you just "browse", there is always a clerk that will immediately begin pulling samples off the wall and unraveling them for you to look at. Then, if you do not like it 30 more will come from no where. They do not want you to leave the store. Though it wasn't a complete mistake I ended up shopping with Nadia (the Mongolian) and Eszter (the Hungarian) not the "experts" that are needed I suppose. But I needed to get one fast because it still had to be stitched before I left for the wedding. 

I had no idea what is proper dress for a wedding, how fancy, how beaded, how embroidered, what color, what material etc.  So, I went in saying, I like blue and green....unfortunately the guy who was helping me couldn't seem to register in his head I didn't want pink. "No, not pink...Oh But  mam you look good in pink...thank you but no".  The 2nd clerk who was helping some other lady kept pulling out very pretty sari's that I really liked, neutral and cool colors...so i kept craning my neck and pointing to what she was seeing and saying "like that - like that". He never seemed to get the hint. So since she was sitting so close to us, I would just reach over and pull over her discarded choices and inspect for myself. Eventually to make the sale and probably more because Im a foreigner...they are willing to "show" what it looks like to put one on. So, I would stand up and the men would dress me. It was hectic but I eventually found 3 that I really liked and then finally it was the price that established the winner. Funny thing is, now that I have one...I want another. Its addictive. Its fun and so colorful.

THEN I found out there was way more to this darn dress than wrapping 6 meters of cloth around your body. You have to have an under skirt thing, which then you also have to buy rope separately - because it doesn't come with a stringed waist. This explained so much. I would see these kids and men selling lots and lots of what looked to be thick shoe string - and I thought "God these Indians must go through a lot of shoe laces - why so much? And why are they only targeting women? especially since most women wear sandals???" NOW I know why!  Besides the petticoat, you also need to attach what is call the "fall" which is weight to put along the border of the cloth to keep it weighted down a little. Then there is this "finishing" the edging. Some come finished, but others the end of the cloth isn't finished and you have to get that stitched.                                                     

THEN you have to learn how to make the pleats properly in the front and of course have it hang at the right length. So, if you are wearing shoes with a heel you better make sure to wear those while dressing. What was even more interesting was the interest taken by various people in my sari pick. I can understand the girls being excited for me - though many older married women wear sari's on a daily basis, it is almost like a prom dress or fancy fancy dress for the younger girls to buy and wear. It only becomes daily wear after you get married. So, because of that, every girl wanted to see what I had got even if they didn't like it (ahem Divya!)...but what struck me as odd was the intense interest from some of the guys. It was if I needed their approval. It was very much brotherly love/advice, but still odd. I felt a little like a car getting appraised.  Like being inspected to make sure I had the proper paint job and shocks or something.  One guy even offered at one point to go with me.  I declined and then he said, well you would look very good in dark green that should be the color you get.  Proceeded to search for examples of coloring around the room so I would know what "dark green" looked like.  I don't imagine my brother taking much interest in a dress I buy. He would look and say the appropriate complements or criticisms maybe one or two words of "ooh thats nice" or "uh-huh" but beyond that would not care nor care about my accessories (which by the way, you have to have!!).   So, after the wedding I realized 1. I probably did not buy the right outfit.  It was too dark in color for a "spring" wedding.  2. Do not buy silk (not that I did, but still its a lesson everyone needs to know) and then go to a function where the outside air temp is >42 C.  3. Jewelry does not have to match 4. Gold, Red, Gold, Red, Gold, Red are the appropriate colors to wear 5. After 30 years I still need help picking out clothing 6.When shopping always bring friends VERY patient friends....or an Indian guy 7. Do not feel guilty when at the end of shopping there is a pile of 40 sari's and you are only buying 1.  8. Dehradun is not the place to shop for a sari 9. I wish we americans decorated ourselves as much as the Indian women do...but only sometimes.  10. Indian women have some magical powder stuff that they put on their faces so they do not sweat and shine - wish I had some of that...and wish I had brought make-up in the first place...

The only thing I felt was missing is I did not have the opportunity to do mendhi before the wedding.  I guess I will just have to go into the market and get it done for fun.