Why Im in love with my own hand

So, I went to get Mendi done.  Just for fun. Since I didn't have the chance to do it for the wedding, I and Eszter went to the market and on our way out decided to get our hand done. Its rather fun. 

I've only ever seen guys doing the art work.  They sit on the street and have little stools that you can sit on.  Takes about 20 minutes and costs about 30 rs.  It was raining that day, but it was still cool to get done.  My artist didn't even ask me any questions just started in on my hand.
I think I got the wrong hand done, but thats OK. 
 It did make for an awkward evening of trying to get money out of my wallet, undress myself for bed, take my contacts out, going to the bathroom, and even sleeping.

To do this right, first, the mendi has to dry - which can take a while, until then you have to walk around with your hand either up in front of your body so everyone passing you can see that they shouldn't touch you, or down at your side and hope that no one bumps into you.  This is quite difficult in a country where 1,000 people live in 1 ha.  We made the intelligent choice (can you sense the scarcasim here?) to go to McDonalds after getting this done.  It wasn't smart 1. because it was a bit of a walk through crowded streets, and 2. it was packed in McDonalds, and 3. it was total stimulation overload for me having not been the McDonalds here in Dun...

Standing in the swaying crowd to order was nutz cuz people were bumping and pushing and shoving their way to the front of the line - as they do in any sort of line anywhere in India...there is no such thing as an orderly que.  Anyway, the one smart thing we did was take a rickshaw home instead of fighting the crowds to get into a vikrum and squeeze in with 7 other people.  BUT while we were on our way home we both noticed that our hands were stinging.  Its not supposed to sting.  Eszters hand got really read.  I hypothesize that it had something to do with the oil they rubbed on our wrists before applying the henna.  This is because my stinging was very localized to where they put the oil...very logical I know.  Eszter didn't believe me...OH well.
After it dries, you are supposed to put lemon and sugar water on it...BUT we didn't find that out until much later in the evening.  Eszter was told that you were supposed to put oil on it....so it was either cooking oil (eew cuz Eszter had mustard oil and that just makes my stomach churn sometimes) or my hair oil which is this almond coconut stuff that the girls have convinced me to start trying.  Anyway, we used the hair oil.  It stopped the stinging for a while.  Divya then came by and told us about the lemon sugar mixture and OH boy was that even better.  You don't do the oil until AFTER you have removed the dried artwork.  The heat from the oil will make it darker.  This will make it last longer.  If, like I did, you get this done at night, you want it to last as long as possible you keep it on as long as possible.  Therefore I tied a grocery bag around my hand for the evening.  This was after of course the strange struggles with dressing, undressing, brushing my teeth with my left hand - not as easy.  Found myself moving my head back and forth instead of the tooth brush at times.  It was easier...but made me dizzy.

So with sugar lemon water and a plastic bag over my hand I went to bed.  Getting this stuff off the next day was a struggle.  It was caked on to my hand and hair.  I tried applying oil...OH yes, I forgot to say, You are NOT allowed to get your hand wet with water for 24hrs after you get this stuff applied.  That means showering happens with a plastic bag (if you so choose) and any other type of washing is off limits.  Great for getting out of doing dishes or household chores.  Can't do nothin while this is on your hand.  So, applying oil or sugar water again to loosen it up.  Took a spoon and scraped it off my skin. 

This photo is what it looks like the next day immediately after removal.

I loved that the guy put 2 peacocks on without even asking.  I am so impressed and want to do this again and it hasn't even had the chance to fade.  Its very cool.  1/2 way through the next day the color darkened.  They say the darker the color, the more your mother in law will like you...or love you as her daughter.  They aslo say that the intitial of your husband to be will be put into the design adn it is up to the bride to find it.  The color on the wrist and back of my hand is not as intense as on my palm.  Its rather distracting sometimes cuz I catch it out of the corner of my eye and wonder what's on my hand...OH yeah.  cool.  and I stair at my hand for a little while.

Some assembly required

So, in order for me to attend the wedding I thought I would do it right and show up in a nice Sari. Considering I didn't have any nice clothing here anyway - why not??

First thing is - don't try it without supervision. OK not really...its just that it is kinda tricky to put on, particularly by yourself the first couple of times. That and its always nice to have someone dress you.

The most important thing is to have the blouse fit you properly. So, that needs to be stitched to fit your body. The blouse closes from the front and is meant to be super tight...this way you do not have to wear a bra. The blouse is also meant to be short. You can get them longer but not many people go for that look.

Shopping for a Sari was a lot harder than it looks. No shop will let you just "browse", there is always a clerk that will immediately begin pulling samples off the wall and unraveling them for you to look at. Then, if you do not like it 30 more will come from no where. They do not want you to leave the store. Though it wasn't a complete mistake I ended up shopping with Nadia (the Mongolian) and Eszter (the Hungarian) not the "experts" that are needed I suppose. But I needed to get one fast because it still had to be stitched before I left for the wedding. 

I had no idea what is proper dress for a wedding, how fancy, how beaded, how embroidered, what color, what material etc.  So, I went in saying, I like blue and green....unfortunately the guy who was helping me couldn't seem to register in his head I didn't want pink. "No, not pink...Oh But  mam you look good in pink...thank you but no".  The 2nd clerk who was helping some other lady kept pulling out very pretty sari's that I really liked, neutral and cool colors...so i kept craning my neck and pointing to what she was seeing and saying "like that - like that". He never seemed to get the hint. So since she was sitting so close to us, I would just reach over and pull over her discarded choices and inspect for myself. Eventually to make the sale and probably more because Im a foreigner...they are willing to "show" what it looks like to put one on. So, I would stand up and the men would dress me. It was hectic but I eventually found 3 that I really liked and then finally it was the price that established the winner. Funny thing is, now that I have one...I want another. Its addictive. Its fun and so colorful.

THEN I found out there was way more to this darn dress than wrapping 6 meters of cloth around your body. You have to have an under skirt thing, which then you also have to buy rope separately - because it doesn't come with a stringed waist. This explained so much. I would see these kids and men selling lots and lots of what looked to be thick shoe string - and I thought "God these Indians must go through a lot of shoe laces - why so much? And why are they only targeting women? especially since most women wear sandals???" NOW I know why!  Besides the petticoat, you also need to attach what is call the "fall" which is weight to put along the border of the cloth to keep it weighted down a little. Then there is this "finishing" the edging. Some come finished, but others the end of the cloth isn't finished and you have to get that stitched.                                                     

THEN you have to learn how to make the pleats properly in the front and of course have it hang at the right length. So, if you are wearing shoes with a heel you better make sure to wear those while dressing. What was even more interesting was the interest taken by various people in my sari pick. I can understand the girls being excited for me - though many older married women wear sari's on a daily basis, it is almost like a prom dress or fancy fancy dress for the younger girls to buy and wear. It only becomes daily wear after you get married. So, because of that, every girl wanted to see what I had got even if they didn't like it (ahem Divya!)...but what struck me as odd was the intense interest from some of the guys. It was if I needed their approval. It was very much brotherly love/advice, but still odd. I felt a little like a car getting appraised.  Like being inspected to make sure I had the proper paint job and shocks or something.  One guy even offered at one point to go with me.  I declined and then he said, well you would look very good in dark green that should be the color you get.  Proceeded to search for examples of coloring around the room so I would know what "dark green" looked like.  I don't imagine my brother taking much interest in a dress I buy. He would look and say the appropriate complements or criticisms maybe one or two words of "ooh thats nice" or "uh-huh" but beyond that would not care nor care about my accessories (which by the way, you have to have!!).   So, after the wedding I realized 1. I probably did not buy the right outfit.  It was too dark in color for a "spring" wedding.  2. Do not buy silk (not that I did, but still its a lesson everyone needs to know) and then go to a function where the outside air temp is >42 C.  3. Jewelry does not have to match 4. Gold, Red, Gold, Red, Gold, Red are the appropriate colors to wear 5. After 30 years I still need help picking out clothing 6.When shopping always bring friends VERY patient friends....or an Indian guy 7. Do not feel guilty when at the end of shopping there is a pile of 40 sari's and you are only buying 1.  8. Dehradun is not the place to shop for a sari 9. I wish we americans decorated ourselves as much as the Indian women do...but only sometimes.  10. Indian women have some magical powder stuff that they put on their faces so they do not sweat and shine - wish I had some of that...and wish I had brought make-up in the first place...

The only thing I felt was missing is I did not have the opportunity to do mendhi before the wedding.  I guess I will just have to go into the market and get it done for fun.

Indian wedding

So I was invited to a wedding in Gujarat or rather more specifically in Bhavanagar.  My friend Chittaranjan had an arranged marriage.  This arranged marriage concept completely fascinates me just because it is so different.  I have found that there is no other way to put it than simply the term marriage means something totally different here.   I have different expectations about marriage and about my partner in life.  It was not long ago that even in western society marriages were arranged - and they were more of unions and joining of houses or families to gain something greater for the whole.  This is how it still is here.  Now, western marriages are very selfish all about the 2 individuals involved rather than the family unit.  Since we do not value the family unit as much, it is hard to think beyond ourselves on something such as this.  Logically I can see every advantage, but I would have a really hard time emotionally allowing this to happen.  I never really liked it when my mom picked out my clothing as a child (sorry mom, you know I never liked those pink skirts or any skirts really)...having her pick my husband?!?!  Granted my tastes have changed over the years (yes, mom, now I like skirts) but, still....could my dad really pick a husband for me?? 

Anyway my friend Chitt invited me to his wedding and I was totally fascinated by the rituals and holy crap the food, the color, the music, the noise, the clothing - wow.  A side note...

I got trapped in Delhi due to an airline strike so missed the 1st day of the wedding ceremony.  Yes, I said 1st day.  Most weddings here take place over a couple of days and each day there is something different occurring - some sort of ritual or religious event.  Not all events are attended by everyone, most are for just the immediate family.  So the 2 events that I am aware of for "everyone" are the the wedding ceremony and then the reception. I am still very very confused as to what is supposed to happen because across India there is no set standard.  I was not the only one who had no idea what was going to happen my friends from Bengal had no clue either.

Anyway, missing out on the first night I think I missed the dancing that Indians are famous for.  The second day was a little different - cuz from what I hear most wedding ceremonies take place at night.  We started at 8am.  There was a wedding procession where we walked through town following the band with the groom in his chariot (in this case Chitt was in a car).  We stopped at one point and the women of Chitt’s house did this dance (yes I joined in awkwardly and uncoordinated, but still joined in the fun)…then walked to the banquet hall where he was welcomed and blessed by his mother-in-law…

and there was some stuff happening that I totally don’t understand and we were finally let into the building.  Then some food, then some waiting..oh I got to help put on Chitt’s turban,  

 

 then the ceremony took place and it lasted about 2 hours.  Lots of different little rituals and prayers being said over the couple.  

 Then they did a walk around the fire (but I missed this part due to an over enthusiastic aunt who didn’t want us to miss out on the food).  They were bound together and then a break somewhere in there, some more rituals, some more exchanges of gifts and wow I got lost in it all. 

It was extremely beautiful and I was really honored that Chitt and his wife (who I still don’t know how to spell her name so am not going to try) allowed me to be a part of their day.